Do you ever feel like God is trying to tell you to do something and He just won’t let it go until you have done it. I have been feeling that a lot lately. I feel like every sermon that I have heard over the past few weeks has all been related to giving the Lord glory for what he has done. The Bible is filled with verses about giving thanksgiving or praise for what He has done, and lately they have been popping off the page at me. Because of this I have felt convicted lately that I have not told many people our story about our newest blessing in my family’s lives…Luke James.
Around 4 years ago I started to have debilitating pain in my lower abdomen. I went to my doctor and she told me that I would need to have immediate surgery to have at least one ovary removed but possibly both. She said that we wouldn’t know until she was in surgery of what would need to happen. I remember driving straight to my mom’s school and having a break down in the hallway outside of her classroom. The thought of never being able to have children was devastating. Later that day my neighbor came over to tell me that she had made an emergency appointment with her doctor in Garland and that we needed to get in the car to go there immediately. I went reluctantly. Lucky for me my neighbor would have never taken no as an answer. When I went to this doctor he told me a similar diagnosis but promised me that he wouldn’t under any circumstance take both of my ovaries so that I would have the hope of children. So within 3 days of that appointment I underwent major surgery.
Two years later I met Philip and were married within a year. God placed the desire for children on our hearts pretty soon after we got married. I knew that it might take us a while to get pregnant because of my endometriosis but I never imagined the disappointment I would have every month while waiting. Part of me hoped that God would show his glory by making us pregnant the first month, since doctors had said it would be hard for me to get pregnant. That didn’t happen. Then it felt like everyone I knew was getting pregnant around me except for me. I felt embarrassed asking people to pray about it with me, so very few people knew that we were trying. Poor Philip, every month I would have a good cry when it wouldn’t happen.
Then about 6 months into trying I went to my best friend’s baby shower. It was me and about 30 of her closest family members. At the end of the shower my friend’s mom asked me if I wanted them to pray over me. I secretly longed for that because I was surrounded in a room by some amazing Christian women. I said I didn’t want to because I didn’t want to take away any attention from my friend on her special day. They ignored me and sent me to a bedroom in the house where they anointed me with oil and prayed over me. To this day that is one of the most special moments in my life and I will never be able to fully express how grateful I am to them. But, the next month I still wasn’t pregnant.
A few months later I went for my annual check up with my doctor and mentioned that we had been trying for a baby with no success. He told me that I probably would not be able to have children on my own but we could set up an appointment with an infertility doctor. I went home to Philip to tell him about the news and at that moment we decided to rebuke that diagnosis and stand firm that God was going to give us a baby. One week later I went back to the doctor because we were pregnant! Praise the Lord. Then the doctor said that we shouldn’t get too excited because he would not feel good about it until we were 12 weeks along. I couldn’t keep the secret inside so we told everyone we knew. I wanted as many people as possible praying with us. We made to 12 weeks with no problems. Then one day at the doctor they told me that I had a placenta previa. Most people’s move they said, but mine probably wouldn’t because my placenta was covering my entire cervix. I had no idea what that was, so I made the mistake of going home and googling it. Basically it meant that I would need to deliver via c-section because if we didn’t the baby could die. It also meant that I could start bleeding at any moment and need to delivery immediately. It also said that there was a chance of hemorrhaging and dying. All not great news, but we called up our prayer warriors and decided to stand in faith that my placenta would move. And would you know that against all doctor’s prediction, my placenta moved within the inch that it would need to in order to be able to deliver.
The end of the story is that I not only did not go into labor early but I held that baby for 41 weeks until we had to go in a get him out. A few weeks after my c-section I went back to my doctor for a check up. I asked if everything looked ok when they opened me up and if she saw any signs of endometriosis. She went on to tell me that my insides were so messed up looking. She said that there was no way I should have gotten pregnant. On the drive home I cried like a baby because I know that God placed by hand my baby in womb and kept him safe for that many months. Towards the end of my pregnancy I use to get emotional thinking that up until delivery, God was the only one who had every touched my baby, Luke. It was a very surreal thought that I cherished.
I write all of this to tell you that we serve a great God. When times are hard and you feel like there is no way things can be fixed, that is when you are to prove your faith. We claim to have all of this faith when times are hard, and I believe sometimes God just wants you to prove it.
Throughout this time scripture brought comfort to me. I love decorating and I find that decorating with scriptures and hymns helps me to keep my mind on Him. So here are some of my favorite pieces of art that use scripture.